What I keep thinking about...
Obviously weight thing, but also breasts and bra thing and hating it, and seeing pictures and wondering if I should do something about it and wondering if I can get at a lower weight will it change anything? If I get lean and around that area too...The Clothes Issue....
Like, I might always have to wear Medium to Large and always struggle to find good clothes...what is my style anyway?
I know I like the whole gothic and emo look, but...It also depends...like, I've never explored a look, I never had that opportunity to. For one, for the size of my upper chest, but that might require extensive research into somewhat or completely or "makeshift" fixing that problem.
There was a list of 10 clothing styles - the ones that popped out at me: Bohemian, Artsy, and Rocker. Those styles I think I could go for, but not in this weight....it's so hard to find good clothing.
Also thinking about how I walked my belly onto the counter full of a large puddle of coffee and now my bottom half of my shirt is soaked in it and I smell like coffee. Being at work, I can't do anything about it. Just grossed out that I have to smell it for a few hours.
Also, last night, someone made some turkey grounded nachos dip and I hadn't had nachos, good nachos, for about two years. It was irresistible. I had 11 chips with 2/3 cup of the nacho dip, that might had been 300 or so calories but it was good. Can't have that for a long while, just like I can't eat cereal because I love the milky crunch.
These things have loads of carbs and upsettingly (if that's not a word, like the red underlining indicates - but isn't always right with some words, if it's in Oxford or Merriam Webster Dictionaries, I won't trust this underlining - and it fully describes how I feel.) (to continue the previous sentence...) so does fruit. As I said in my last post. And Oprah and her love of bread, is like me and how I also love bread. But I used to only eat my low carb tortillas and not concern myself with such things anyway.
And now, I think I can and must try to eat only 1,100 to 1,300 since that's what I used to do anyway and exercised for 30 minutes. But I honestly have to wonder, what if I did exercise twice as much? And how can I allow myself a little something so I won't binge out on it in the future?
I need to really exercise first thing, then eat dinner. Especially if it's after 8pm. I might not try to do any exercise after dinner. And I should exercise just before breakfast, then, if I'm up for it before 8pm or before dinner - then I can exercise twice. Then I just might get my results that I desperately desire.
Like, I might always have to wear Medium to Large and always struggle to find good clothes...what is my style anyway?
I know I like the whole gothic and emo look, but...It also depends...like, I've never explored a look, I never had that opportunity to. For one, for the size of my upper chest, but that might require extensive research into somewhat or completely or "makeshift" fixing that problem.
There was a list of 10 clothing styles - the ones that popped out at me: Bohemian, Artsy, and Rocker. Those styles I think I could go for, but not in this weight....it's so hard to find good clothing.
Also thinking about how I walked my belly onto the counter full of a large puddle of coffee and now my bottom half of my shirt is soaked in it and I smell like coffee. Being at work, I can't do anything about it. Just grossed out that I have to smell it for a few hours.
Also, last night, someone made some turkey grounded nachos dip and I hadn't had nachos, good nachos, for about two years. It was irresistible. I had 11 chips with 2/3 cup of the nacho dip, that might had been 300 or so calories but it was good. Can't have that for a long while, just like I can't eat cereal because I love the milky crunch.
These things have loads of carbs and upsettingly (if that's not a word, like the red underlining indicates - but isn't always right with some words, if it's in Oxford or Merriam Webster Dictionaries, I won't trust this underlining - and it fully describes how I feel.) (to continue the previous sentence...) so does fruit. As I said in my last post. And Oprah and her love of bread, is like me and how I also love bread. But I used to only eat my low carb tortillas and not concern myself with such things anyway.
And now, I think I can and must try to eat only 1,100 to 1,300 since that's what I used to do anyway and exercised for 30 minutes. But I honestly have to wonder, what if I did exercise twice as much? And how can I allow myself a little something so I won't binge out on it in the future?
I need to really exercise first thing, then eat dinner. Especially if it's after 8pm. I might not try to do any exercise after dinner. And I should exercise just before breakfast, then, if I'm up for it before 8pm or before dinner - then I can exercise twice. Then I just might get my results that I desperately desire.
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