It's Funny: We all Might have a At-Home Personality and a At-Work Personality
I've worked at not "many" jobs: a cashier in this grocery story to front-end supervisor with the same pay: only because I don't smile as much as Pay-O-Lah. But I felt that that was favoritism. I knew and noticed the actions of other workers, this guy who was friends with a manager but not the hiring manager, per se. (Though, honestly, I think those three white men were friends.) And the stocking manager had a crush on her, Pay-Oh, Lah, because I've overheard him say she was cute...Though she was 17 at the time but then in a week she was 18. And I heard a supervisor say with her cheery voice, "you need to find someone your age." That was while I was still a cashier and she was only working there for a few days when she suddenly got promoted - I bet with a higher pay. But some of those mofos never actually told me their rate of pay. (not all jobs prohibit you and force you to be exclusive in that particular intel)...But thats gossip....Back to the topic...
I was kind of quiet, only ever desiring to do and say what is actually necessary: greet, scan, help transaction, and bag, and say au vois in English...I don't ever feel it necessary to keep them at my register nor to have a distracting conversation on anything. I might not be able to pay attention to other things if I were to do that.
Next job was another cashiering job, done the same thing, but the time of my official departure, this white woman says to the greeter (another white woman) that I don't have a personality.
Anytime these stupid folks complain about a cashier for not showing their true colors or not showing enough, I think this:
YOU CAME TO THE GROCERY STORE
GROCERY STORE IS FOR BUYING GROCERIES
GROCERY STORES ARE NOT FOR MEETING PEOPLE
GROCERY STORES ARE NOT MEANT FOR PEOPLE TO KNOW THEIR CASHIERS
YOU CAME THERE TO BUY THINGS
YOU DIDN'T GO THERE TO HANG OUT
I did all I needed to do, not to have a long conversation or a short one. Just, "hello, good morning," or "Hello, good afternoon" and "How are you?" they respond, "I'm good." I say, "That's good" or "that's great." Anything else that they might say, I might nod and attempt a smirk of a smile but I don't like fully teethy smiling because I don't have fully white teeth and I don't know if they might notice the black thing that fixed the crack in my tooth from childhood. I just don't like showing it off, unless I'm truly amused. Even worse when people think they're funny and they think, me as a cashier, that I'm supposed to entertain them and fake my amusement.
Some say the most cliche of jokes, like as if I hadn't heard it a hundred times before. I honestly can't think of it right now, but it's absolutely annoying.
After they playout their stupid cliche joke, I kind of smirk and stare at them, and try to get them to move on and pay, they often say, "what, am i not funny?" or " why didn't you laugh?" or "you didn't get my joke" or worse, "what, you don't like humor?"
At one point, I think I might had been close to honest with someone, that I just didn't find it amusing at all....But I don't think I SAID that. It's not necessarily my job to entertain you, that wasn't in the job description. I 'll be Simon Cowell on you and tell you straight up, "you are no comedian, and I've heard it a thousand times before that that joke is not even close to funny."
But I could never say that. I always stay polite, and I just shrug and hope they move on, because truthfully, I can be very mean. And at work, that's a no-no.
And the white lady who complained about me, I think she said something after the greeting while I was scanning, that sounded like White Privileged People Problems and I just didn't care about it. I mean, I can't feel empathetic. You even put your plants on top of my non-conveyer-belt register and made me search for the goddamn tag: the barcode. Those dirty things are gross and I have to spray the area down, you don't care that I have to clean it up.
So, here it is: I'm not a bitch, snob, snippy, or mean...nothing of the like.
I keep my mean thoughts to myself unless I feel like complaining about those people who aren't empathetic towards me. I try to be empathetic to an extent but people don't understand that cashiers are people to, you can't just tell someone that someone else doesn't have a personality.
And if I showed my personality, I'd be the weirdest person ever in public. I just don't feel like I can show that side of me in public. I keep most of me hidden from the public (at work). I only show an I'm-at-work-let's-work attitude. I don't do too much because I don't want that kind of stress, a thought of someone actually loving and appreciating "my customer service" potential...no, I don't want that. I won't go out of my way but if I'm not even permitted to, I get the supervisor and that's it.
People don't even understand the kind of annoying people that come and how if you are ignorant to how the whole process of everything works, you'll get scammed. I lost $100 once because I was dead tired. I messed up on $100 for baby formula on WIC. I lost $100 at a different grocery store with something about a check that I didn't understand and I must had been gullible. All of those times I feel like an idiot, but when you don't have enough sleep and you're handling money - you best be sure your concentration levels are high or will make a mistake. Luckily and fortunately, mine did not cost me my job...but why? They never said why they only gave me a warning or write up...but that one time with the other company, they wondered if I could have had any coercion because it seemed Too Easy, but they could tell my fear, anxiety, tears and all as I realised that what I had done was stupid. And I knew something was wrong, I should had called for somebody but I didn't. I thought I could do it myself because it was busy during the time. I regret all of it.
I hope they didn't assume I was special, stupid, an idiot, mentally disabled, or anything like that - thinking those hurtful things almost made me cry just writing it.
So, my last job I was a temp and it wasn't customer service and I could sort of be myself but I couldn't entirely. I had a friend and that was nice for once. And I could be a kind of nerd. but not for long because it was event services, and I was the hospitality, vacuuming and wiping down when it was a VIP event. I kind of liked it: why? Because the leftover candies or free items that would had been thrown out. I gained weight because of that job. But also, there were personal problems I was having and my phone usage and apparently hiding...which I wasn't.
My current job, I work as a receptionist and answer phone calls and direct them, and page when I have to about car blocking cars, customers needing associates, associates needing associates, taking messages, giving messages...
Those kinds of jobs kind of get annoying after a while. I wish I could just go to college or find a good job that I would enjoy that I can be weird and not stressed and not feel sour, bitter, nor mean. Especially, I hate being annoyed. I used to love people and things, I used to think in the most naive way and believe that people were good. But not so much any more, not for years now.
my at home personality, I like to make funny voices, I like to sing and dance and enjoy myself, I like reading and talking about nerdy things and theorizing tv shows and books and things. as a writer, I think about a lot of scenarios, and I don't leave anything out...mostly. I don't think I'm a terribly boring person but that depends on the kind of person the reader is. Are you like me? Or are you different? I'm an introvert. My flaws are: apparently, I get dramatic and I complain too much and I'm not always considerate, those I've known for too long and I wonder how I can fix them. The good things about me: I love laughing, I can be lame when I try making jokes and I'm goofy and silly and pretend to be an idiot just to bother the other person because that amuses me. I love the earth and I love history. And I am a straight-up nerd. Only a fellow nerd would understand me, and if that nerd was also a writer, we could be pals.
My job life and job experience does not define me or who I am.
And I was slightly bothered, but not entirely, when I was having a short conversation with an assiociate who suddenly up and left saying, "I'm bored, I need to find my girl." I thought, oh, your customer, I say "yep." Oh, wait, did he mean a fellow associate and that I'm boring you...that's fine, I'm this way on purpose. Because who I am is not a professional persona to show off, who I am is what I'll be when I'm off. So, I shouldn't ever be offended when people act or say unnecessary things. They don't know me and I don't want them too...plus, that guy probably was just bored period and he doesn't know me enough. I'm always sitting, hardly anyone converses with me anyway.
Would I like to be spoken to more at least? Yes, I would. Should I care if they don't, though? No, it doesn't really matter. But It would be nice.
And everyone makes mistakes, everyone has their excuses for not being the way how certain people believe they should be. Like an old TV cashier persona, is always smiling, but that's not realistic. Most never smile.
End of Lesson.
I was kind of quiet, only ever desiring to do and say what is actually necessary: greet, scan, help transaction, and bag, and say au vois in English...I don't ever feel it necessary to keep them at my register nor to have a distracting conversation on anything. I might not be able to pay attention to other things if I were to do that.
Next job was another cashiering job, done the same thing, but the time of my official departure, this white woman says to the greeter (another white woman) that I don't have a personality.
Anytime these stupid folks complain about a cashier for not showing their true colors or not showing enough, I think this:
YOU CAME TO THE GROCERY STORE
GROCERY STORE IS FOR BUYING GROCERIES
GROCERY STORES ARE NOT FOR MEETING PEOPLE
GROCERY STORES ARE NOT MEANT FOR PEOPLE TO KNOW THEIR CASHIERS
YOU CAME THERE TO BUY THINGS
YOU DIDN'T GO THERE TO HANG OUT
I did all I needed to do, not to have a long conversation or a short one. Just, "hello, good morning," or "Hello, good afternoon" and "How are you?" they respond, "I'm good." I say, "That's good" or "that's great." Anything else that they might say, I might nod and attempt a smirk of a smile but I don't like fully teethy smiling because I don't have fully white teeth and I don't know if they might notice the black thing that fixed the crack in my tooth from childhood. I just don't like showing it off, unless I'm truly amused. Even worse when people think they're funny and they think, me as a cashier, that I'm supposed to entertain them and fake my amusement.
Some say the most cliche of jokes, like as if I hadn't heard it a hundred times before. I honestly can't think of it right now, but it's absolutely annoying.
After they playout their stupid cliche joke, I kind of smirk and stare at them, and try to get them to move on and pay, they often say, "what, am i not funny?" or " why didn't you laugh?" or "you didn't get my joke" or worse, "what, you don't like humor?"
At one point, I think I might had been close to honest with someone, that I just didn't find it amusing at all....But I don't think I SAID that. It's not necessarily my job to entertain you, that wasn't in the job description. I 'll be Simon Cowell on you and tell you straight up, "you are no comedian, and I've heard it a thousand times before that that joke is not even close to funny."
But I could never say that. I always stay polite, and I just shrug and hope they move on, because truthfully, I can be very mean. And at work, that's a no-no.
And the white lady who complained about me, I think she said something after the greeting while I was scanning, that sounded like White Privileged People Problems and I just didn't care about it. I mean, I can't feel empathetic. You even put your plants on top of my non-conveyer-belt register and made me search for the goddamn tag: the barcode. Those dirty things are gross and I have to spray the area down, you don't care that I have to clean it up.
So, here it is: I'm not a bitch, snob, snippy, or mean...nothing of the like.
I keep my mean thoughts to myself unless I feel like complaining about those people who aren't empathetic towards me. I try to be empathetic to an extent but people don't understand that cashiers are people to, you can't just tell someone that someone else doesn't have a personality.
And if I showed my personality, I'd be the weirdest person ever in public. I just don't feel like I can show that side of me in public. I keep most of me hidden from the public (at work). I only show an I'm-at-work-let's-work attitude. I don't do too much because I don't want that kind of stress, a thought of someone actually loving and appreciating "my customer service" potential...no, I don't want that. I won't go out of my way but if I'm not even permitted to, I get the supervisor and that's it.
People don't even understand the kind of annoying people that come and how if you are ignorant to how the whole process of everything works, you'll get scammed. I lost $100 once because I was dead tired. I messed up on $100 for baby formula on WIC. I lost $100 at a different grocery store with something about a check that I didn't understand and I must had been gullible. All of those times I feel like an idiot, but when you don't have enough sleep and you're handling money - you best be sure your concentration levels are high or will make a mistake. Luckily and fortunately, mine did not cost me my job...but why? They never said why they only gave me a warning or write up...but that one time with the other company, they wondered if I could have had any coercion because it seemed Too Easy, but they could tell my fear, anxiety, tears and all as I realised that what I had done was stupid. And I knew something was wrong, I should had called for somebody but I didn't. I thought I could do it myself because it was busy during the time. I regret all of it.
I hope they didn't assume I was special, stupid, an idiot, mentally disabled, or anything like that - thinking those hurtful things almost made me cry just writing it.
So, my last job I was a temp and it wasn't customer service and I could sort of be myself but I couldn't entirely. I had a friend and that was nice for once. And I could be a kind of nerd. but not for long because it was event services, and I was the hospitality, vacuuming and wiping down when it was a VIP event. I kind of liked it: why? Because the leftover candies or free items that would had been thrown out. I gained weight because of that job. But also, there were personal problems I was having and my phone usage and apparently hiding...which I wasn't.
My current job, I work as a receptionist and answer phone calls and direct them, and page when I have to about car blocking cars, customers needing associates, associates needing associates, taking messages, giving messages...
Those kinds of jobs kind of get annoying after a while. I wish I could just go to college or find a good job that I would enjoy that I can be weird and not stressed and not feel sour, bitter, nor mean. Especially, I hate being annoyed. I used to love people and things, I used to think in the most naive way and believe that people were good. But not so much any more, not for years now.
my at home personality, I like to make funny voices, I like to sing and dance and enjoy myself, I like reading and talking about nerdy things and theorizing tv shows and books and things. as a writer, I think about a lot of scenarios, and I don't leave anything out...mostly. I don't think I'm a terribly boring person but that depends on the kind of person the reader is. Are you like me? Or are you different? I'm an introvert. My flaws are: apparently, I get dramatic and I complain too much and I'm not always considerate, those I've known for too long and I wonder how I can fix them. The good things about me: I love laughing, I can be lame when I try making jokes and I'm goofy and silly and pretend to be an idiot just to bother the other person because that amuses me. I love the earth and I love history. And I am a straight-up nerd. Only a fellow nerd would understand me, and if that nerd was also a writer, we could be pals.
My job life and job experience does not define me or who I am.
And I was slightly bothered, but not entirely, when I was having a short conversation with an assiociate who suddenly up and left saying, "I'm bored, I need to find my girl." I thought, oh, your customer, I say "yep." Oh, wait, did he mean a fellow associate and that I'm boring you...that's fine, I'm this way on purpose. Because who I am is not a professional persona to show off, who I am is what I'll be when I'm off. So, I shouldn't ever be offended when people act or say unnecessary things. They don't know me and I don't want them too...plus, that guy probably was just bored period and he doesn't know me enough. I'm always sitting, hardly anyone converses with me anyway.
Would I like to be spoken to more at least? Yes, I would. Should I care if they don't, though? No, it doesn't really matter. But It would be nice.
And everyone makes mistakes, everyone has their excuses for not being the way how certain people believe they should be. Like an old TV cashier persona, is always smiling, but that's not realistic. Most never smile.
End of Lesson.
Comments
Post a Comment